Today i'm in the throes of a cancer scare. Normally, i don't like to be serious on my blogs, i'm making an exception today. This IS also a journal, more or less, and, while i also know that i have a pretty low following on this year old blog, hopefully someone will read this and can understand.
First of all, i'm a hypochondriac and have learned to recognize that. i have so far had brain tumors, heart disease, skin cancer, Lou Gehrig's (ALS), plus a few more i can't think of right now - all were in my head, but i even had symptoms - it's amazing what your mind can do to you physically! The Web is a godsend- most of the time i look up some symptoms and realize that i don't really have the disease (then the symptoms magically disappear!)
Then last year, a co worker of mine had been having stomach problems for awhile. She had only been there a year, was not a friendly person, so i did not yet know her very well and really never knew any details. But she was taking over the counter meds for it, eating Activia (the yogurt that's supposed to regulate your digestive system), stuff like that. Then she started to call in sick here and there, called me one day in early December and said her doctor was putting her in hospital to see what was wrong (she was in quite a bit of pain by then).
That was a Monday. The following Saturday she was dead.
Apparently it was cancer, and she had hardly any intestine left by the time they found out. She was about my age, too.
...Needed to stick something lighthearted in here - made ME laugh, anyway!
Keeping this background in mind, I had just mentioned to DH that i was glad I didn't need Activia, i have never had many problems like that (OK, years ago i had Irritable Bowel Syndrome- went on a low carbohydrate diet and stopped eating sugar, and it disappeared. Completely). Then, about a month ago, i became constipated - and it hasn't gone away! Yes, i could take laxatives and it would be better, but it doesn't change the fact that something is still not right. After about 3 weeks, i saw my doctor and am now setting up an appointment for a colonoscopy, because now, i'm scared silly that i have colon cancer. Now, the procedure itself does not concern me - if they would find cancer and would have to go through treatments (which i certainly don't want, but at least i would have a chance), that would be tolerable as well. No, i'm afraid of a situation like my co worker had - that it's found too late, or it would not be treatable and the doctors could not help me! My hubby has had Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma - twice since 1996 - but he has done very well and after going thru a LOT of various treatments, is currently fine. After all that, my greatest fear is that now I would end up with something that will "get" ME in a month! i'm really NOT constantly fretting about it - it's the times i wake up at 3 A.M. and start to think about it....
So if you could cross your fingers and send some good luck wishes my way, i'd be happy! And i'll pass along whatever the diagnosis ends up to be (hopefully just hypochondria!).
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